Monday, September 21, 2009

6:00 p.m. Woke up 6:30 after having gone to bed at 2:00 in the morning. I got in at 11:30 from a seabee sister cowboy watching party..watch them get beat :) I stayed up after I got in, I guess hoping I might see my angel on line (wishful thinking).

I did most of my errands today, ordered checks, payed the water bill and set it up on automatic payment..(Woohoo), mail the one and only truck payment (yeah auto billing) mailed the $6.27 cents to the mortgage co that we owe (funny) called direct energy asked about average billing ( I think that's a scam if I ever heard one). The only chore left is to go to t-mobil and turn my seabee's phone off.
I will do that tomorrow.
G has volleyball practice tonight.
The days are going to go by, only because there is a lot of things that have to get done, the FRG children's Christmas party planning will begin Oct 10th, it will be here before I know it.

BIG SIGH The adjustment to not talking to him is taking time, I thought of something to ask him today and had to stop myself when I reached for the phone, I chuckled to myself, I miss him!

My house is in desperate need of straighting up. I have two capable daughters that refuse to help me, I yell at them because they are too old to spank, but they just ignore me and go to their room and do absolutely nothing, two hours later they come out and their rooms are exactly the same, I am helpless when it comes to that.
I guess I am to blame for spoiling them, I just wish they could show some gratitude. it makes me sad that they don't care.

6:15 I am so MAD, and somewhat sad. The phone rang and when I said hello a low female voice said hello veronica this is James' mom, at first I didn't hear her, so I said excuse me, she said this is James' mom. I said oh hi how are you, she then said where is he, I was a little taken back, no how are you, how are the girls, so I said hes gone, my heart hurt, and I felt the tears. I always dreamed of having a mother in law that I could be close to and share our lives with, her voice sounded very cold and callus to me, and then I felt the anger. She then said "well ,will you give me his address", I was begining to feel more angry... how about how is my grandaughter, that I have only met once and she was 6 when they met.
In the 14 years we have been married she has never had or tried to have a relationship with me, I dont know why, I have never done aything to her, never mean, always respectful and treated her like she was my mother. When she did call him (very seldom) she would never ask about me or G (My angel would say she did, but I know better, I understand its human nature to defend his mom) I dont know why she doesnt like me, and I dont know why I am hurt by this, or angry, I feel like I want to see a counsler because of it. Not sure where these hidden feelings are coming from.

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